I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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