I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
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