Soap is not a condiment
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
