girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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