Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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