Do you still have your period?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
