He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
