May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
