If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
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