i need an iv and a liver transplant
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
