You just made me feel so damn special
I think my fart just growled at me.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
A+ Viking dick
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
