I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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