Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Randomize