Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
