Plan B is the new Plan A
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Randomize
