I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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