I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
