I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize