Don't make out with my wife yet
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
