I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
