And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I would ride that face into the sunset
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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