I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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