Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
