Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Randomize
