tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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