I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize