Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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