Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
