Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
