They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize