Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
