No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I have peed in a lot of sinks
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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