Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize