I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
