I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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