before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
