Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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