I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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