Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
