PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Randomize
