I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Randomize
