This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
