obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Michael Bay diarrhea
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
