so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
