I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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