hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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