AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
