Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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