omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
