I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
That reminds me...we need to get swords
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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