please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Sorry about my life...
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
