What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
