New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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