Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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