then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
