At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
