There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
