Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
