I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
