Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
