If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
