im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
You're a waste of cheezeits
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
