I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Randomize
