i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
