I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Randomize
