Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
