Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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