im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
