do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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