If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize