Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
