the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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